Tonight, Sweetie and I went to a concert at Yoshi's in Oakland. We saw Hiroshima and they were great. I've listened to them for twenty years and during the second song of the set, I felt a flood of emotions. Tears poured out of my eyes uncontrollably.
No, I wasn't sad; just emotional. I think that I associated the music to Dominic and it felt nostalgic, happy, sad (ok, I did feel a little sad), scared, grateful (Sweetie was unaware of what was going on with me) and I just plain missed him.
It's been a long time since I wrote a post here and it's not because I haven't wanted to or haven't thought about it - every time I think about it, I find a way to distract myself. I keep telling myself that I'll get to it, but then I find my way back to whatever distracts me. I'm not trying to ignore what I'm feeling. In fact, I am still writing my daily appreciation - well, maybe it's not every day that I do it, but I do several days a week.
I should be upstairs packing; we're going to Austin tomorrow. I told myself in the concert that I would indeed write something. This is my something. I don't mind sharing it. I know that it's healthy for me to share it. Like those emotions that flooded me earlier, I know this is all good to get out.
There. I feel much better. Thanks.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Memorialize
Yesterday (Sunday), we (the fam: Sweetie and kids and her brother visiting from NYC) visited The George Mark House for the first time since Dom's passing. We plan to visit many more times as well as help to publicize this amazing facility; we brought a pie to the nurses on-duty. All though we didn't know them as well, we did have some interraction with them and they touched us as well with their love and compassion.
Being back at George Mark brought back memories and reminded me of the fact that I wanted to share what I spoke at Dominic's Memorial Service. Sweetie is working to get a copy of the slide show as well as the artwork used on the front and back covers, so that is something to post here shortly...
This is the text of what I prepared (and spoke):
"Today we are here to observe and preserve the memory of Dominic Nigro – son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin, friend, student and teacher. In doing so, while we all are saddened by his passing, we must also celebrate the joy that he gave and that he still gives – even when that joy seems to be overshadowed by the circumstances of the moment, for that is part of what I learned from Dominic. We all had our unique relationship with him as I am blessed with my own, and equally so with the opportunity to watch and learn from many of these relationships that you had with him.
One strong lesson I learned was to be appreciative of the little things we share – events, not things. This was something I tried to impart on Dominic and his sister, Christa, but he embraced it strongly and I was often surprised and pleased when he didn't want material things. What he did want, and what we did share was to have fun, so we did spend much of our time together being goofy, and being creative. Each Halloween, we had a great time designing and creating a cool costume, and that led to lots of fun and goof. That was a gift he gave me as a Dad; to embrace my inner goof. A big interest we shared – and many of you know and saw – was drawing. When he was younger, we used to draw pictures and make up stories instead of reading books just before bedtime, because he was much more interested in zombies and vampires than the typical subjects of children's books. This creativity extended more recently to writing and he expressed an interest in designing video games.
I have so many memories that it's difficult to distill them into one pithy story to share with all of you, and looking through the photos collected over the years, it doesn't make that any easier. But in the spirit of Dom as a teacher, I want to share a story from right after his mom and I divorced. I took him to Europe for a 2 week vacation: we had just landed in Schipol Airport and were to spend the next two nights in Amsterdam. For anyone that's never been there, the city center is small and most streets are narrow, one way over or along the canals. I was trying to navigate and drive to our hotel and Dominic could not read; as I was getting more lost and frustrated that I could see the hotel, but not figure out how to drive there, Dominic said, “it's ok, papa, I'll learn to read this and help you” - in that moment, I realized that it would be ok and it was just part of our trip together to have this unscheduled exploration. It was this attitude and spirit of wanting to make things all right for those around him that I observed and experienced. I know that a lot of our experiences were just like that – unscheduled explorations.
For me, he grew and matured in his years at NDV and there are many fond memories from that time. I felt especially privileged that when his class took their 6th-grade trip to Yosemite that he voiced his strong desire that I attend as a chaperone. Of course, I have to also mention the constant lesson of patience, which for any that attended a Dragons soccer game, know that it was one I was slow to learn.
Over the last year, as Dominic endured many difficult treatments, he showed a lot of resilience and optimism as well as continued to teach about love and openness. He did not let his disease define him, and did not complain, nor ask “why me?”, which is further testimony to his spirit. I was fortunate to tell him of my pride in him and to thank him for helping me to be a better man. He truly exemplified dignity and joy and touched the lives of many people he knew for a short period of time – his care-givers and especially the newest parts of his family – and in that reminds us of the joy of being and the strength of memories."
I continue to miss him strongly, as I know others miss him too. I have some consolation in knowing how I told him often that I appreciated him and that while there was no mistaking we had a parent-child relationship, we did have a strong loving bond that I'm proud of...
Being back at George Mark brought back memories and reminded me of the fact that I wanted to share what I spoke at Dominic's Memorial Service. Sweetie is working to get a copy of the slide show as well as the artwork used on the front and back covers, so that is something to post here shortly...
This is the text of what I prepared (and spoke):
"Today we are here to observe and preserve the memory of Dominic Nigro – son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin, friend, student and teacher. In doing so, while we all are saddened by his passing, we must also celebrate the joy that he gave and that he still gives – even when that joy seems to be overshadowed by the circumstances of the moment, for that is part of what I learned from Dominic. We all had our unique relationship with him as I am blessed with my own, and equally so with the opportunity to watch and learn from many of these relationships that you had with him.
One strong lesson I learned was to be appreciative of the little things we share – events, not things. This was something I tried to impart on Dominic and his sister, Christa, but he embraced it strongly and I was often surprised and pleased when he didn't want material things. What he did want, and what we did share was to have fun, so we did spend much of our time together being goofy, and being creative. Each Halloween, we had a great time designing and creating a cool costume, and that led to lots of fun and goof. That was a gift he gave me as a Dad; to embrace my inner goof. A big interest we shared – and many of you know and saw – was drawing. When he was younger, we used to draw pictures and make up stories instead of reading books just before bedtime, because he was much more interested in zombies and vampires than the typical subjects of children's books. This creativity extended more recently to writing and he expressed an interest in designing video games.
I have so many memories that it's difficult to distill them into one pithy story to share with all of you, and looking through the photos collected over the years, it doesn't make that any easier. But in the spirit of Dom as a teacher, I want to share a story from right after his mom and I divorced. I took him to Europe for a 2 week vacation: we had just landed in Schipol Airport and were to spend the next two nights in Amsterdam. For anyone that's never been there, the city center is small and most streets are narrow, one way over or along the canals. I was trying to navigate and drive to our hotel and Dominic could not read; as I was getting more lost and frustrated that I could see the hotel, but not figure out how to drive there, Dominic said, “it's ok, papa, I'll learn to read this and help you” - in that moment, I realized that it would be ok and it was just part of our trip together to have this unscheduled exploration. It was this attitude and spirit of wanting to make things all right for those around him that I observed and experienced. I know that a lot of our experiences were just like that – unscheduled explorations.
For me, he grew and matured in his years at NDV and there are many fond memories from that time. I felt especially privileged that when his class took their 6th-grade trip to Yosemite that he voiced his strong desire that I attend as a chaperone. Of course, I have to also mention the constant lesson of patience, which for any that attended a Dragons soccer game, know that it was one I was slow to learn.
Over the last year, as Dominic endured many difficult treatments, he showed a lot of resilience and optimism as well as continued to teach about love and openness. He did not let his disease define him, and did not complain, nor ask “why me?”, which is further testimony to his spirit. I was fortunate to tell him of my pride in him and to thank him for helping me to be a better man. He truly exemplified dignity and joy and touched the lives of many people he knew for a short period of time – his care-givers and especially the newest parts of his family – and in that reminds us of the joy of being and the strength of memories."
I continue to miss him strongly, as I know others miss him too. I have some consolation in knowing how I told him often that I appreciated him and that while there was no mistaking we had a parent-child relationship, we did have a strong loving bond that I'm proud of...
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Writing Baby Steps
"Courage is very important. Like a muscle, it is strengthened by use." - Ruth Gordon
This is on the front of a card that family friends (originally friends of Sweetie) had sent to us - Dominic included - a couple of months ago. The card sits on my desk and stares at me. Well, not really stares, but accompanies me throughout my day. Sometimes I don't even think about its existence, let alone what it says on the front (there's a monochrome picture of a boy flexing his muscles - it looks like it was taken in the '70s). Today it inspired, rather encouraged, me to write a little.
As I go through my day(s since Dominic's passing), I think of things I'd like to write. Too often, I have trouble mustering the mental and emotional energy to write. I have lots of thoughts that swirl about my head, and taking this small step helps, even if what I write has nothing to do with the thoughts I've had.
I hope, nay - I expect, to contribute many more snippets of thoughts and share them. I've always found writing to be therapeutic and sometimes even cathartic. Eventually, I hope that in addition to helping me, this helps others. Either way, I am glad to strengthen my muscles - even just a little bit.
This is on the front of a card that family friends (originally friends of Sweetie) had sent to us - Dominic included - a couple of months ago. The card sits on my desk and stares at me. Well, not really stares, but accompanies me throughout my day. Sometimes I don't even think about its existence, let alone what it says on the front (there's a monochrome picture of a boy flexing his muscles - it looks like it was taken in the '70s). Today it inspired, rather encouraged, me to write a little.
As I go through my day(s since Dominic's passing), I think of things I'd like to write. Too often, I have trouble mustering the mental and emotional energy to write. I have lots of thoughts that swirl about my head, and taking this small step helps, even if what I write has nothing to do with the thoughts I've had.
I hope, nay - I expect, to contribute many more snippets of thoughts and share them. I've always found writing to be therapeutic and sometimes even cathartic. Eventually, I hope that in addition to helping me, this helps others. Either way, I am glad to strengthen my muscles - even just a little bit.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Stay Positive
It's been a little more than a week since Dom passed away.
I miss him tremendously and there aren't many times that when I start that sentiment, it quickly leads to welling of tears in my eyes...
That's not to say that I can't be positive. I intended to write a few thoughts about how the actions of others - especially when those actions are negative - remind me to be positive. This is part of the legacy of Dominic that I want to emphasize; not so much as it's how he was as much as it was how I tried to be to show him about choices in our reactions to others. The other thought that swirls about when I look at the title is that as we go about our lives and have to deal with reminders of Dominic's recent passing, it's important to stay positive. I'm thankful that Sweetie (Susan) is taking care of canceling Dominic's telephone service. We bought him a new iPhone for Christmas, which he thought was the best gift ever. Now we're faced with canceling his service, adding to the complexity, we gave his iPhone to his Aunt, who had just had her stolen hours after Dom's passing.
Sweetie is doing a great job with at&t and I'm grateful. There is a lot to be positive about, even when there's sadness.
I miss him tremendously and there aren't many times that when I start that sentiment, it quickly leads to welling of tears in my eyes...
That's not to say that I can't be positive. I intended to write a few thoughts about how the actions of others - especially when those actions are negative - remind me to be positive. This is part of the legacy of Dominic that I want to emphasize; not so much as it's how he was as much as it was how I tried to be to show him about choices in our reactions to others. The other thought that swirls about when I look at the title is that as we go about our lives and have to deal with reminders of Dominic's recent passing, it's important to stay positive. I'm thankful that Sweetie (Susan) is taking care of canceling Dominic's telephone service. We bought him a new iPhone for Christmas, which he thought was the best gift ever. Now we're faced with canceling his service, adding to the complexity, we gave his iPhone to his Aunt, who had just had her stolen hours after Dom's passing.
Sweetie is doing a great job with at&t and I'm grateful. There is a lot to be positive about, even when there's sadness.
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