Memorialize

Yesterday (Sunday), we (the fam: Sweetie and kids and her brother visiting from NYC) visited The George Mark House for the first time since Dom's passing.  We plan to visit many more times as well as help to publicize this amazing facility; we brought a pie to the nurses on-duty.  All though we didn't know them as well, we did have some interraction with them and they touched us as well with their love and compassion.

Being back at George Mark brought back memories and reminded me of the fact that I wanted to share what I spoke at Dominic's Memorial Service.  Sweetie is working to get a copy of the slide show as well as the artwork used on the front and back covers, so that is something to post here shortly...

This is the text of what I prepared (and spoke):

"Today we are here to observe and preserve the memory of Dominic Nigro – son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin, friend, student and teacher.  In doing so, while we all are saddened by his passing, we must also celebrate the joy that he gave and that he still gives – even when that joy seems to be overshadowed by the circumstances of the moment, for that is part of what I learned from Dominic.  We all had our unique relationship with him as I am blessed with my own, and equally so with the opportunity to watch and learn from many of these relationships that you had with him.

One strong lesson I learned was to be appreciative of the little things we share – events, not things.  This was something I tried to impart on Dominic and his sister, Christa, but he embraced it strongly and I was often surprised and pleased when he didn't want material things.  What he did want, and what we did share was to have fun, so we did spend much of our time together being goofy, and being creative.  Each Halloween, we had a great time designing and creating a cool costume, and that led to lots of fun and goof.  That was a gift he gave me as a Dad; to embrace my inner goof.  A big interest we shared – and many of you know and saw – was drawing.  When he was younger, we used to draw pictures and make up stories instead of reading books just before bedtime, because he was much more interested in zombies and vampires than the typical subjects of children's books.  This creativity extended more recently to writing and he expressed an interest in designing video games.    

I have so many memories that it's difficult to distill them into one pithy story to share with all of you, and looking through the photos collected over the years, it doesn't make that any easier.  But in the spirit of Dom as a teacher, I want to share a story from right after his mom and I divorced.  I took him to Europe for a 2 week vacation: we had just landed in Schipol Airport and were to spend the next two nights in Amsterdam.  For anyone that's never been there, the city center is small and most streets are narrow, one way over or along the canals.  I was trying to navigate and drive to our hotel and Dominic could not read; as I was getting more lost and frustrated that I could see the hotel, but not figure out how to drive there, Dominic said, “it's ok, papa, I'll learn to read this and help you” - in that moment, I realized that it would be ok and it was just part of our trip together to have this unscheduled exploration.  It was this attitude and spirit of wanting to make things all right for those around him that I observed and experienced.  I know that a lot of our experiences were just like that – unscheduled explorations.

For me, he grew and matured in his years at NDV and there are many fond memories from that time.  I felt especially privileged that when his class took their 6th-grade trip to Yosemite that he voiced his strong desire that I attend as a chaperone.  Of course, I have to also mention the constant lesson of patience, which for any that attended a Dragons soccer game, know that it was one I was slow to learn. 

Over the last year, as Dominic endured many difficult treatments, he showed a lot of resilience and optimism as well as continued to teach about love and openness.  He did not let his disease define him, and did not complain, nor ask “why me?”,  which is further testimony to his spirit.  I was fortunate to tell him of my pride in him and to thank him for helping me to be a better man.  He truly exemplified dignity and joy and touched the lives of many people he knew for a short period of time – his care-givers and especially the newest parts of his family – and in that reminds us of the joy of being and the strength of memories."

I continue to miss him strongly, as I know others miss him too.  I have some consolation in knowing how I told him often that I appreciated him and that while there was no mistaking we had a parent-child relationship, we did have a strong loving bond that I'm proud of...